Guilt is good. Yes! Guilt actually encourages people to have more empathy for others, to take corrective action, and to improve themselves. Self-forgiveness following guilt is essential to esteem, which is key to enjoyment of life and relationships. Yet, for many, self-acceptance remains elusive because of unhealthy guilt – sometimes for decades or a lifetime.
We hear a lot about the importance of forgiving those who have harmed us, but what about forgiving ourselves? Is that important as well? I believe that it is.
Shame and guilt can feel very similar—in both experiences we feel bad about ourselves.
Shame is incredibly unhealthy, causing lowered self-esteem (feelings of unworthiness) and behavior that reinforces that self-image.
Some have explained the difference between shame and guilt as follows: When we feel guilt, we feel bad about something we did or neglected to do. When we feel shame, we feel bad about who we are.
Self-forgiveness is not only recommended but absolutely essential if we wish to become emotionally healthy and have peace of mind.
Many people experience a lot of resistance to the idea of self-forgiveness.
The good news is that you can resolve to change your behavior and forgive yourself at the same time.
Still another reason you may have difficulty forgiving yourself is that you may have a powerful need to “be good” and to be seen as “all good” in the eyes of others, as well as yourself.
If you have harmed others and resist forgiving yourself, you may ask, “Why should I forgive myself? It won’t help those I’ve harmed.”
Forgiving yourself for the ways you have hurt or harmed others will probably be the hardest thing that you will ever have to do in order to heal your shame.
Self-Understanding Can Lead to Self-Forgiveness.
Research shows that the long-term effects of trauma (such as abuse in childhood) tend to be most obvious and prominent when people are stressed, in new situations, or in situations that remind them of the circumstances of their trauma.
In addition, the sad truth is that those who were abused or neglected in childhood are more likely to become abusive or neglectful of their own children than someone who didn’t have these experiences.
And there is still another reason that is not often discussed that can cause a parent to become abusive: seeing your own weakness or vulnerability in your child.
The truth is, we have all harmed others.
Acknowledging the interconnected nature of our lives is another aspect of Common Humanity.
When you examine your mistakes and failures it becomes clear that you did not consciously choose to make them and even in those rare cases when you did make a conscious choice, the motivation for your actions was colored by your abuse or other experiences.
If you continue to find yourself resisting forgiving yourself, ask yourself this question: “Why wouldn’t I want to forgive myself?”
How do you earn forgiveness? First of all, you need to admit to yourself and others the wrongs you have committed.
Your admittance of what you did to harm others is doubly powerful if it is accompanied by a heartfelt, sincere apology.
A meaningful apology is one that communicates the three R’s: regret, responsibility, and remedy.
Ask Your Creator or Higher Power for Forgiveness.
My Diary - Leonardo Cardillo 