Context and Scope
This article explains how the mind learns self-regulation by seeking coherence among thoughts, emotions, and actions. It integrates cognitive appraisal, emotion regulation, learning through imbalance, and resilience. Emphasis is on practical understanding supported by established psychology and neuroscience.
Coherence: Why the Mind Doesn’t Seek Constant Calm
The mind functions as a dynamic system that continually aligns thinking, feeling, and doing. Disruption—loss, criticism, disappointment—temporarily breaks this alignment. That imbalance is not failure; it is the signal for reorganization. Stability grows from moving through change, not from avoiding it.
Interpretation Changes Emotion
Events don’t dictate feelings—interpretations do. The same criticism can evoke shame if read as “personal failure,” or curiosity if framed as “useful feedback.” Two people can face the same event and feel different emotions because they tell different stories about what it means.
How Self-Regulation Works in Practice
A helpful loop:
Event → Interpretation → Emotion → Response → Readjustment → New Equilibrium
Examples:
- Feedback at work leads to either avoidance or engagement, then a new balance after learning.
- Grief oscillates between remembering and re-engaging with life, gradually forming a new connection.
- Childhood frustrations train patience and recovery through repeated small reorganizations.
From Imbalance to Growth
Discomfort from contradiction often marks transformation in progress. Classic findings show that inconsistency pushes change (cognitive dissonance) and that learning advances through temporary imbalance (disequilibrium). Emotional pain can be reframed as information: it highlights where reorganization is needed.
Flexible Balance
Psychological balance is the capacity to bend without breaking. Research on resilience highlights the brain’s ability to recover and adapt. Flexibility strengthens through:
- Mindfulness: noticing inner states without being swept away.
- Cognitive reappraisal: shifting the lens through which events are interpreted.
- Connection: using relationships as regulatory resources.
Turning Turbulence into Meaning
Every inner conflict is an invitation to reorganize. Learning is more than absorbing facts—it is restructuring experience so life feels more intelligible, integrated, and alive.
Cognitive Appraisal (definition)
Plain English: The process of evaluating how an event affects goals, well-being, and coping resources, which in turn shapes emotion.
Linguistic note: “Appraisal” derives from English usage in psychology; no special borrowing.
Acceptance: Core construct in emotion science and widely cited in peer-reviewed research.
Emotion Regulation (definition)
Plain English: The ways people influence which emotions they have, when they occur, and how they are experienced or expressed.
Linguistic note: English technical term in psychology.
Acceptance: Foundational concept in affective science; supported by extensive experimental and clinical literature.
Self-Regulation (definition)
Plain English: Guiding one’s thoughts, emotions, and actions toward meaningful goals and healthy functioning.
Linguistic note: Standard English term across psychology and education.
Acceptance: Broadly used in research on motivation, coping, and behavior change.
Disequilibrium (definition)
Plain English: A temporary state of imbalance that prompts reorganization and learning.
Linguistic note: From Latin roots via French/English; common in developmental psychology.
Acceptance: Central to theories of learning and cognitive development.
Congruence (definition)
Plain English: Alignment between inner experience and one’s ideals or values.
Linguistic note: English term used in humanistic psychology.
Acceptance: Established concept in counseling and psychotherapy.
Sources
- Gross, J. J. (1998). The Emerging Field of Emotion Regulation: An Integrative Review. Review of General Psychology. DOI landing: https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1037/1089-2680.2.3.271
- Gross, J. J. (1998). Open-access PDF (hosted by University of Wisconsin–Madison): https://emotion.wisc.edu/wp-content/uploads/sites/1353/2024/11/gross-1998-the-emerging-field-of-emotion-regulation-an-integrative-review.pdf
- Lazarus, R. S. (1991). Progress on a Cognitive-Motivational-Relational Theory of Emotion. American Psychologist. PubMed: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/1928936/
- Davidson, R. J., & McEwen, B. S. (2012). Social Influences on Neuroplasticity: Stress and Interventions to Promote Well-Being. Nature Neuroscience. Full text (NIH/PMC): https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3491815/
- Festinger, L. (1957). A Theory of Cognitive Dissonance. Archival text excerpt (Stanford University Press edition, 1968): https://archive.org/stream/FestingerLeonATheoryOfCognitiveDissonance1968StanfordUniversityPress/Festinger%2C%20Leon%20-%20A%20theory%20of%20cognitive%20dissonance%20%281968%2C%20Stanford%20University%20Press%29_djvu.txt
- Piaget, J. (1952). The Origins of Intelligence in Children. English translation (reference copy): https://sites.pitt.edu/~strauss/origins_r.pdf
- Rogers, C. (1961). On Becoming a Person. Chapter excerpt (educational copy): https://faculty.sfcc.spokane.edu/InetShare/AutoWebs/kimt/rogers%20this%20is%20me.pdf
- YouTube (verified): Experts in Emotion — James J. Gross on Emotion Regulation: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xZ6zEwzi-iw (educational interview; available at the time of publication)
My Diary - Leonardo Cardillo 