Key Takeaways
- This article is about co-parenting apps such as OurFamilyWizard and TalkingParents, and about simple written communication that protects peace when money becomes a lever.
- A father reached a breaking point in December 2025 after repeated call-driven conflict tied to child support and manipulation.
- Strong insults can feel like relief, but they often feed the same cycle that keeps conflict alive.
- The lowest-drama path is to make support payments boring and predictable, and make contact short, written, and child-focused.
- A simple method called the BIFF method—Brief, Informative, Friendly, Firm—can keep replies calm and usable.
Story & Details
What this is really about
In late December 2025, a father described a familiar kind of crisis: a co-parenting life where phone calls bring pressure, and pressure brings anger. The trigger was not a new mystery. It was the same pattern, again and again: child support, extra money requests, and words that push buttons.
When calls become a control tool
Calls can feel urgent, even when nothing is urgent. A voice can interrupt work, sleep, dinner, and the mind itself. That is why many co-parents move away from calls and toward written contact. Text has two quiet strengths. It slows the pace. It also keeps a record.
Some tools are built for this. Co-parenting apps like OurFamilyWizard and TalkingParents offer shared calendars and messaging designed to keep communication in one place. The value is not the app itself. The value is the structure: one channel, clear topics, and fewer openings for sudden pressure.
Money as a routine, not a fight
Child support is not a debate in the moment. It works best as a fixed routine: same method, same timing, clear labels, and proof saved. When extra costs come up, the clean approach is also simple: ask for a receipt and a short description. That turns a heated demand into a clear question with a clear answer.
This is where many high-conflict situations change shape. Not because feelings vanish, but because the system stops rewarding chaos. The payments stay steady. The “extra” requests become specific or they fade.
A small technique that lowers the temperature
The BIFF method—Brief, Informative, Friendly, Firm—was created for hostile messages and high-conflict contact. It is not about being warm in the emotional sense. It is about being steady. A BIFF reply is short. It sticks to facts. It avoids insults. It closes the door on endless back-and-forth.
A BIFF reply can sound like this in plain English: the message is received, the key fact is stated, and the topic returns to the child’s needs. Nothing more.
A tiny Dutch mini-lesson for calm, clear messages
Sometimes a short line in another language helps the mind feel a boundary. Dutch is spoken in the Netherlands (Europe), and it can be useful for simple, firm statements.
One whole-sentence meaning, in simple English: this says that calls will not be answered and the person should write instead.
Ik neem geen telefoontjes aan. Stuur een bericht.
Word-by-word: Ik = I; neem = take; geen = no; telefoontjes = phone calls; aan = on/accept; Stuur = send; een = a; bericht = message.
Tone and use: direct, neutral, and practical. It fits a tense co-parenting moment.
One whole-sentence meaning, in simple English: this says that a receipt is needed first.
Stuur eerst de bon, dan kijk ik.
Word-by-word: Stuur = send; eerst = first; de = the; bon = receipt; dan = then; kijk = look; ik = I.
Tone and use: firm but not rude. It reduces emotion and makes the next step clear.
Why this can protect a parent’s peace
A parent cannot erase the other parent from life when children are shared. But a parent can shrink conflict. The shift is simple: fewer calls, more writing, fewer arguments, more receipts, fewer feelings in replies, more facts. Over time, that can turn a daily storm into a manageable forecast.
Conclusions
In December 2025, the core problem was not only money and not only anger. It was disruption: a sense that peace could be taken with one call.
The clearest path back to calm is often the least dramatic one. Make support payments steady and traceable. Keep contact written and child-focused. Use short, factual replies. Let structure do the heavy work, so the mind does not have to.
Selected References
- [1] Cafcass (United Kingdom, Europe) — Communicating with your child’s other parent after separation: https://www.cafcass.gov.uk/parent-carer-or-family-member/applications-child-arrangements-order/resources-help-you-make-arrangements-are-your-childs-best-interests/communicating-your-childs-other-parent-after-separation
- [2] High Conflict Institute — How to write a BIFF Response (Brief, Informative, Friendly, Firm): https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/how-to-write-a-biff-response/
- [3] OurFamilyWizard — Co-parenting app overview: https://www.ourfamilywizard.com/
- [4] TalkingParents — Co-parenting communication tools: https://talkingparents.com/
- [5] UNICEF — “3 ways you can help your teen express emotions” (YouTube): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tv6guHMvEVA
Appendix
Account security: Simple steps that protect private accounts, such as changing passwords and turning on two-factor authentication so a code is needed to sign in.
BIFF method: A short reply style for conflict messages: Brief, Informative, Friendly, Firm.
Boundary: A clear rule about what will happen and what will not happen, stated in simple words and kept steady.
Child support: Regular money paid to support a child’s needs after separation.
Co-parenting app: A tool for shared parenting tasks, often with messaging, calendars, and records in one place.
Receipt: Proof of a purchase or cost, used to confirm what was paid and why.
Two-factor authentication: A sign-in setting that uses a second step, such as a code sent to a phone, to reduce account takeover.
My Diary - Leonardo Cardillo 